One way to build connection in a relationship
It can happen gradually. Often it coincides with having kids, and the exhaustion and busyness that ensues. Other times, it can be hard for couples or individuals to put a finger on it. Whatever the reason, the problem is clear: “We’re just not that connected anymore.”
In an earlier blog series, we explored how not to do conflict in a relationship. This is arguably the biggest reason why people book in for relationship counselling with Robertson & Ling. However, the second biggest reason is a lack of connection in the relationship. Couples come into sessions and say something like, “It feels like we’re on separate paths at the moment,” or “we’re basically just housemates.”
How do couples begin to address this problem? And how can any of us improve our connection with another person?
One way to do this is to have a stress-reducing conversation. Each of us have stressors, problems or fears that arise from our day or week. Maybe a work colleague has sent us an unkind email, or a friend is going through a difficult time and we’re concerned for them. A stress-reducing conversation allows us to voice these experiences to another person. And not just an account of the practical details of the event - it is critical that we voice our feelings and perspective on the situation.
In response, it is important that the person listening shows genuine interest in what is being said - we can tell a faker! Not only this, but they must demonstrate empathy and understanding towards the other person. Statements like “Wow, that must be hard,” Or “that’s tough; I’m sorry you had to go through that” tend to get this across. Phrases like this also show that the person has listened well, and most importantly, that they care.
When a conversation like this occurs, it tends to draw people closer together. The key principle behind the stress-reducing conversation is that connection is built when we share our inner world with another person, and they respond appropriately. Talking about our daily challenges is therefore a great opportunity to build a deeper connection. Do this every day - even just for a few minutes - and you’ll soon notice a difference in your relationship.
To learn more about relationship counselling offered at Robertson & Ling, please visit our Relationships page. Additional information about a stress-reducing conversation can be found here. You are also welcome to a free, 15 minute phone consultation to discuss your relationship needs and suitability for counselling. Finally, if you’d like to make an appointment with Robertson & Ling, please visit our bookings page.